Hope

My soul is in anguish
Stripped and pillaged by what was to have been good
Unable to accept joy; an adamant refusal of the simple
All because my mind is rigid and linear
Though I long for it to be free!
Like my Master
I put pen to paper and fury quakes in my being
To know Truth, to know His name
And yet to spurn His open arms
All for vain glory
For conceited spite
And the most repugnant wine-vinegar!
Surely this must be the proof of our Faith
This pestering of a mind that can feel the graze of majesty
But cannot obtain it
Cannot grasp it
Cannot realize it!
Pierced and yet
No release from this--from this,
This unrest! which latches onto my soul like a leech!
Freedom, where are you!
Savior, why do you remain silent!
See my tormentors,
Feel the flogging I endure
By my own hand!
And you do nothing!
 
Father, my limbs are curled, the position I knew before breath
Comfort I know not
Rest I seek, rest from foolish ambitions
Father, forgive me, I know not what I do
Slow my breathing Father, quiet my soul
Save me and I shall be saved
Heal me and I shall be healed
Let me rest in your arms, the simple and powerful arms called grace
Let the words be yours alone,
And for you alone
For you alone are rest, the gentleness and merriment of the stars
Wit I need not
Cleverness not
But you…I cannot live without
Your tears my only hope.
Utter no answer, Father
Only caress me with hope as a new born protected
And let me sleep
In your arms.
 
For in your silence, the answer is made known
In your warmth, life is restored, for it is stilled
You are Father, righteous love, pure and simple and complete
Whole, like unsearchable beauty in the calming silence of the dawn’s rising sun
The dew upon creation
Make my heart simple once more
That my years may know your face
Know your tears
Cast away my grief, the grief of Adam’s curse
That my heart may know your name
My mind know nothing
Nothing but your Son’s cross
Truth, you are named Jesus
A silhouette of infinitely stretched shadow blinded by the sun’s steadfast gaze.